inner thoughts n feelings r acting up again....all those negative thoughts rushing into de brain n de heart....simple request of celebrating together cant even get fulfilled....simple or little attention cant be given to mi....this show how significant i am in their lives...who dun likes to be shower with attention...concern....love....juz a bit more on my birthday?....is tat too hard to ask for....i guess my birthday is not a big deal at all....coz no 1 bother....so i should juz forget abt it....but i cant...de mind keep going on....which makes mi sad n miserable...after my bday...i guess its not consider as celebration...its more of gathering ba....but too bad....this is life....juz a useless person grumbling n complaining...who dun likes to share their happiness with friends on her bday?............juz sad...disappointed...dejected...trying to vent my frustrations...so i can slp better hopefully instead of keep thinknig abt it...simple hopes n wishes cant even get...so wat more can i say.... rubbish...
birthday is coming....but i dun feel tat de birthday mood is here....in fact i felt rather lonely....looks like my close friends dun even hav time to spend bday with on my bday...belated...how sad haha...well there is no 1 to blame but myself....coz i din prebook them...so they r juz unavalilable on tat day....every1 got their own activities...own programmes...own bf...who would wan to spare some pathetic time with a nobody?....no 1 spare a little attention on this nobody at all...coz i am not important to anybody at all ba...wat more can i say...sigh...wat a happy 21st birthday hahaha...happy birthday to mi sooN!
kbox session...
eh today met aku,kiwi n derek for k lunch session....kiwi too long never meet us so...joined us for klunch....of coz he din sing much....keep 'helping' us to choose songs....even though he was not familiar with de remote control hahaa....kiwi haven change a bit....still kiwi haha....nothing much to say abt derek guess he is still de same...but got addicted to psp.....keep playing yet...hmm...after tat they went to hereen to walk walk...n had another lunch at far east plaza...after tat we went home....took bus 190....got a sit...i guess was pretty tiring...maybe coz of my flu...kind of hav a short doze off on de bus....then went to get sushi n takoyaki at cck....gosh de takoyaki sold by de temporary stores sux....its tasteless...de sauces r so little so stingy....not nice at all...after tat took bus home...
celebrate joyce 21st bday
yea...ytd went to celebrate joyce bday at pasir ris aloha loyang...met serene at 12 at clementi...but we were abit early...11.45 i receive a call from her saying she reached de station....i was on de train too...n then she board de train....but it was crowded so its kind of hard to find serene...so i waited a while when there is less ppl n move to de front to meet her....chatted along de trip then meet alvina at pasir ris when we reached....then we went to kfc for lunch...joyce keep messaging us where we were....as she is bored....we took bus to downtown east...n start walking towards joyce chalet....its was a super long trip in de noon lo....was kind of tired....as de nite b4 din hav enuff slp...after we reached....we gave her de present....then we went cycling together with her brother....after 10min joyce was tired liao lol...n we rent de bike for 1hr....so we juz cycle ard....they plan to go to escape de but...it was a bit late liao...so might be not worth it so they plan to go arcade....but then its was hard to get down with our bike....then in de end we juz cycle back as it was time to return de bike....then we went to get drinks n rest at de chalet...started to blow balloons then...they decided to play 'zhong ji mi ma' de 1 who guess de right number get to throw water bomb at joyce...haha...n every 1 got a chance but she limited to 10 waterbombs onli haaha...went to de lousy arcade...it keep eating our $....coz it is spoilt lol...after tat it was dinner time....we start eating lo...food was quite nice haha....then we chatted n play arcade...then waited for joyce's dear to come n cut cake...after tat we chatted n then ....as we were veri tired...we went back home at 10+...reached home 11.30...my legs were aching!!!!...haha...so slpy n tired...all worn out...
sch starts.....
sch finally start for mi....kind of stress up....coz decided to work hard for this year liao after de 1st year result came out...n taking 6 subjects for 2nd year for mi will be quite fierce for mi...kind of sian...coz got to see her on wed...whole day....so sian....sometimes becoz of her...i cant be with my friends...cant be as close with my friends when she is around....i realised..i dun realli hate her...i am sometimes annoy with her speech n action n stuff....since i dun treat her as close friends...there r stuff i might pick on....in de past i was dependent on her...but now i dun wan to depend on her at all...dun wan her help or anything...de more she wan to put her nose in...nowadays work become less...no $$...she noes n when we share food n stuff she will offer to treat....this i dun like..i hav no $$ but i hav no wish to owe ppl $$...so i will return de $ when i see her....if she feels tat she is rich enuff...there are other poor ppl ard...can giv as charity...$$ dun buy u true friendship....super dun like to owe ppl stuff especially to her....i would reject all offers from her...like studying together...in some ways i juz dun see to eye...de more persistent she is...de more irritated i will be....i dun wan means i dun wan...respect my choice...i guess going along with ppl decision is wat i always do coz i dun like making decisions....but tat does not mean tat i dun hav my own point of view n thinking...true sometimes i realli hav no idea...but if de decision is acceptable i will juz go along...but my inner self has its own thinking....since i am no longer close as her...terms like 'sis' is a bit sensitive...though its juz a term...but it has meaning....'sis'...to mi means tat u hav to be close enuff to hav use this term....but since its her one sided view....i totally dun like to see this term....it seems to be copying from de jie meis friends i made...becoz we hav formed de jie meis grp....she wans to follow....to get close to mi...but like i say....dun assume ur thinking on others....other may not think as u do....u r not always right...u r not always de person influencing others....watever u do...does not concern abt mi....i respect ur own decision...so do wat u wan but dun affect mi or my friends...pls draw de lines n stand where u stand...well..no 1 is perfect...so do i....i try to be good to all my close friends...but if u ever cross de line its harder for mi to forget...avoidance contact with this kind of friends will be de treatment....i cant find any reasons to forgive...so i choose to put aside....when i come to de point where i wish to hav no contact at all...it is harder to be friends....i wont allow myself to get hurt for ppl's selfish means...i am no idiot...but sometimes i still find trouble for myself...which is a idiot doing...how i wish i could be selfish n unfeeling so i can juz cut off any relations who hurt mi....i got urge...but i am not harsh enuff....
last nite was horrible...had a bad dream which makes mi awake for a while...but then i was conscious to noe tat my bro came into my room to take his uniform n bag....while i was drifting back to slp...my hp rang.....Rebecca called mi early in de morning at 7.30....ask mi wat is my class today.....pissed off....my class din start today....pISS....apologizing...not accepted...well..tried to slp till 11...though i was half awake...hai...i dunno....when i am with HER...its one of myself...when i am with others i am another self....but i am sure tat i am much happier with others....i guess...once she cross de line....i rather she juz walk away...instead she came back....this is beri disturbing for mi....i guess this slow 1 dun realise unless ppl tell her straight in de face....sometimes gers should be more sensitive...guess its not true for her....ppl juz dun get de hints....is her happiness realli built on ppl's pain? kaoz....
update on ytd.....
all these days....its either going out with friends....or it will be slacking at home...watching my ou xiang ju....or playing sudoku...then ytd....went out with rebecca n angeline....coz angeline wanna treat us as celebration for her 21st bday....haha she special request mi to wear skirt...lol nothing to say....hmm...i met rebecca eariler at 5...coz angeline need to work until 8....when i was abt to reach...i receive call from rebecca...say she still at yishun....coz she forget to bring her phone...so when she reached mrt...she need to go home n get her phone again...well was a bit piss off...maybe becoz i am already biased against her....hai....i am such a awful person...anyway....i juz went to taka...then bot a drink n cheese fries at kfc lo....since i doubt she will reach soon...after she reached..i went shopping with her...she told mi she got blind dates from de sch she is working at now....she is working as a relief teacher there....then a male teacher match make her with his friends....so they went on date...went out with him for 2 times....n he seems like a nice guy...age 27...quite well off i guess...n tat on tat day they went out...de day b4 was de guy bday...but he treat rebecca tat day...of coz rebecca got chip in but feeling a bit pai seh we went to zara n get a tshirt as a bday present...
we juz walk ard....until angeline reached....we went to hard rock cafe n had our dinner...rebecca ordered steak...angeline ordered pasta...n i ordered fish n chips....total bill was 95bucks...so ex....but de food is nice of coz...we took pictures too...oh yea rebecca bot a pair of earrings n bracelet for angeline....de serving was quite big for mi....eat until beri beri full....n they plan to go to a cafe to sit down n relax de...but after walking to somerset...rebecca was feeling tired...so decide to go home...since angeline got work today...n we went home...
below r some pics =p
